ARTICLE | The Complex Grief of Loss: Reflecting on the Passing of Maggie Smith

Today, the world was met with the heartbreaking news of Maggie Smith's passing. Known for her immense talent, spanning decades of exceptional performances, Smith left an indelible mark on both stage and screen. Her presence graced the likes of "Downton Abbey", "Harry Potter", and my personal favorite "Marigold Hotel" - a treasure trove of theater productions. Yet, beyond her iconic roles, this loss brings with it that familiar pang of sorrow that arises whenever someone passes away—whether it’s a celebrity or someone from the periphery of our own social circles.

There's an undeniable sense of shock when hearing about the death of someone we’ve known, even from a distance. You might not have met Maggie Smith personally, but her characters became part of your life. This feeling of sadness isn’t reserved for close friends and family members; it can be evoked by the loss of anyone whose life, work, or presence impacted us in some way. It’s a profound reminder that life, at its core, is a fleeting experience—a ticking clock that eventually runs out for everyone.

But let’s talk about this particular kind of grief, the one we feel when someone passes away. There’s something strange, almost paradoxical about it. When someone dies, especially someone like Maggie Smith, who lived a long and fulfilled life, what are we really grieving? Is it their departure from this world? Or are we grieving something else entirely? After all, the dead are no longer here to experience anything. They are no longer suffering, no longer facing the trials of life, nor feeling the pain of separation. So why do *we* feel this pain so acutely?

Grieving Our Own Loss

When we mourn the death of someone, it’s often not just about them. In many ways, we are mourning our own sense of loss—the personal void left behind by their absence. In the case of Maggie Smith, it’s not just the physical person that is gone, but everything she symbolized: the memories of her iconic performances, the joy or inspiration she brought into our lives, and the comfort of knowing she was still part of the world.

It's this attachment, our deep connection to life and the people in it, that makes the idea of death so uncomfortable for us. Death is often seen as the ultimate end, a final separation from the known world. Those left behind must now carry the burden of navigating life without that person, be it someone beloved or a figure whose work we cherished.

We don’t grieve for the dead. We grieve for ourselves

Think about it. The person who passed away, they no longer have to endure the daily struggles, the disappointments, or even the small joys and pleasures that make up life. They are beyond all that. In contrast, those of us still here are left to face the reality of life moving forward without them. We are the ones left to reconcile with the fact that nothing lasts forever, and that includes our own lives.

Grief, in many ways, is tied to our own mortality. It’s a reminder that we, too, will one day face the same end. Perhaps this is why the passing of a public figure like Maggie Smith feels like such a profound loss. Her work, her art, was something we thought would always be there, unchanged by time. But even the most iconic of lives eventually comes to an end.

The Uncomfortable Truth of Death

At its core, what makes death so difficult to accept is our attachment to the idea of life. We are so deeply tied to the notion of being alive, of being part of the world, that the very thought of leaving it one day is unsettling. This discomfort with death isn’t just about losing others; it’s about the ultimate loss—our own life.

Most of us spend our lives avoiding the thought of death. We live as if it is a distant reality, something that happens to other people. But every time we hear of someone passing, especially someone who has had such a cultural or personal impact, we are reminded of the impermanence of life. The death of someone like Maggie Smith can stir a mix of emotions. We mourn her departure, but perhaps more deeply, we are reminded of our own fragile existence.

But here’s the thing: we cannot escape death, and perhaps it is this inescapability that fills us with dread. We live in a world where life is celebrated, and death is often feared. Yet, death is simply the other side of the same coin. It is as much a part of existence as life itself, and one cannot exist without the other.

Learning from Loss

Though it’s easy to be consumed by grief and sadness in the face of loss, there’s also a powerful opportunity for reflection. When someone like Maggie Smith passes, it’s a moment to reflect not just on the life they led, but on our own lives as well. Her death, like all others, reminds us that we too are on borrowed time. It challenges us to think about what really matters in life—our relationships, our passions, the legacy we hope to leave behind.

The truth is, we grieve not because someone else has moved on, but because we are still here, struggling with the realities of life. We grieve because we are left behind to continue living, and that can be a daunting task when faced with the inevitable void left by those who have passed.

But rather than allowing grief to paralyze us, it can serve as a call to live more fully. To recognize that while death is inevitable, it’s life that truly demands our attention. It’s a reminder to cherish the moments we have, to embrace our relationships, and to find meaning in the everyday experiences that make life so rich.

Finding Peace in Impermanence

The passing of Maggie Smith is undoubtedly a significant loss, but it also brings with it a deeper understanding of life and death. As we grapple with the grief of her departure, it’s important to remember that while death may be the end of one journey, it’s also a part of the greater cycle of existence. The sadness we feel is a reflection of our attachment to life, and perhaps, the discomfort we have with letting go.

But in facing that discomfort, we can also find peace. The inevitability of death can teach us to live more mindfully, to appreciate the people around us, and to focus on what truly matters. Because, in the end, death is not something to be feared—it’s a natural part of life’s beautiful and fleeting journey. And as Maggie Smith’s work lives on in the hearts and minds of those she touched, we are reminded that while death may end a life, it doesn’t end the impact that life has had on the world.