JOURNAL | Halfway Through 2024

Here we are, right in the middle of 2024, which means the "BER" months are just around the corner again. This year has been tough in many ways, and I've realized that rushing to achieve our goals doesn't really help. With the current economy, starting a new job means it could take 6 to 12 months just to recover from debts and obligations. But despite everything, life is good. I have a roof over my head, and everyone in the family is healthy. People say it's better to live in the present, but I often catch myself worrying about the future. Maybe I should listen to Louise Hay's affirmation videos more often—they really help me stay calm and focused.

Health Concerns and Lifestyle Changes

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about health and the fear of illness. After hearing about Arnold Clavio's hemorrhagic stroke, I couldn't help but worry about my own health. Every time I feel something off in my body, my mind immediately jumps to the worst-case scenario. But I try to steer away from those thoughts because focusing on them only makes things worse. It's really tragic to think about dying in a foreign land and the hassle it would cause. To counter these fears, I know I need to exercise more and eat better. My mom suggested cooking my own meals, but being lazy makes it a struggle. Maybe a rice cooker and an air fryer would help, but those purchases will have to wait until my finances improve.

Struggling with Fitness and Body Image

Speaking of exercise, I haven't been able to work out for almost six months, and I've gained a lot of weight. My skin has also darkened from walking and driving in the sunlight. This makes me uncomfortable because, back in the Philippines, I could afford a gym membership and skincare products while still saving a bit of money. Sure, I was still broke, but at least I felt healthier. The real issue isn't the situation; it's my attitude. I tend to get stuck in the past, hoping to return to my old routines. This keeps me from moving forward and living in the present, creating a spiral of depression. I hate feeling like this because I'm not productive when I'm in that state.

Seeking Joy and Motivation

Nowadays, I don't find joy in the things I see around me—buildings, cars, trees, or even people. Seeing happy people, whether online or offline, makes me question my life decisions. Did I make the right choices? Why do I feel so miserable? Just waking up in the morning isn't enough motivation anymore. I realize I'm missing the right kind of motivation. Maybe if I had something or someone to lift my spirits, I'd feel better. I know I should find happiness for myself, but it's hard to do it alone. I need a stronger reason to feel alive and find joy.

As we reach the midpoint of 2024, it's clear that this year has been a journey full of challenges and reflections. While the struggles are real, it's important to acknowledge the positives—having a roof over my head, a healthy family, and the potential to improve my health and mindset. By focusing on the present, taking small steps towards better health, and seeking motivation, I believe things can get better. Life is a continuous process of growth and learning, and with a bit of effort and the right attitude, I can find joy and fulfillment even in the midst of difficulties. Here's to embracing the rest of the year with hope and determination!