CONVOS | The Problem With POGI

Chatting with A today about the possibility of setting up the "orgy" sometime soon but had to tell him that due to this COVID-19 pandemic, it is not going to be easy to do that's why it may take some time. Anyhow he said that he will only become a watcher (just watching the people) and not participate. But told him it is not going to work out that way because all people coming up have to participate one way or another - sexual or something similar.

The Problem With POGI

But what really gutted me was his firm statement on "basta pogi lang". A's attitude however is typical of most Filipino gay men in the community. There is what they call "conventional pogi" which I guess refers to the common Filipino pogi perception that is - maputi/mestizo, borta, matangkad, makinis, etc. It is understandable of course. Young Filipino gay men have been brainwashed to think this way hence the growth of the beauty and wellness industry, the booming of gyms and even clothing.

But while gay men are so pre-occupied with the physical, the truth remains - physical attraction is ephemeral and at the end of it is a desire to look for something worthwhile or to some extent, a more permanent status. Playing around can be exhausting and when you reach 40's, the chase becomes a strenuous and boring past time.

A even admitted that he had been into two previous serious relationships - both pogi. But for some reason it didn't last. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what is wrong with this kind of set up.  That is, when we value the physical aspect of the person, more than the person himself - the relationship doesn't root deep. Petty trouble and misunderstanding can easily kill whatever seedling of love you cultivated.

Jeez, that word "love" is in itself more problematic. In the end, told A that love is a decision. We do not fall in love because we felt a spark. We fall in love because we decided to embrace whatever comes with loving and that's how it goes. Happy days, lonely days or even fighting days - they all season the lovers. But whatever happens, when your decision is firm - you still stay in love. 

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Okay, para lang malinaw - wala ako issue sa pagiging pogi. Buhay niyo yan and good for you if you are born na pogi. If not so lucky, then we can perhaps have some paradigm shift and see more of our strengths and unique qualities, in a way na hindi magiging defense mechanism against the guys who choose equally good-looking guys.

I mean let's face it - NOT everyone is going to choose us. And that is totally FINE, and that does not diminish a person's value just because hindi siya pinili. It only means that the other person has some other preference that doesn't fit you.

My take on this is simple - there will always be people who will choose you and you need to spend your energy on them because they are the ones that matter. Bakit ka mag-aaksaya sa crush mong pogi na hindi ka nga kilala? Parang business lang - mag-iinvest ka ba sa isang venture na hindi mo alam kung may return of investment ba or totally a loss from the beginning. Hindi na siguro mahirap sagutin yan. #