CONVOS | The Iceberg Gay Dilemma and Why It's OK Not To Be On Top

The tip of the iceberg image, with alpha guys on top poses a real problematic stance for the LGBTQ+ community. Looking at it devoid of personal bias, and so I ask if it's fair to ignore sentiments like these on the basis of generational life experience lenses. I remember how a former Professor stated that your experience will never be my experience, hence interpretation of reality is relative (from a Filipino Communicative Behavior Model). And to rebuke the what could be a legit distress call from a different generation might also be counter intuitive when all we want to achieve is a harmonious co-existence.

The alter world of Twitter shows a glimpse of individuals all making a claim on the power struggle between mascs vs. effems, tops vs. bottoms, (the usual) have and have-nots, attractive vs. basic, etc. But are they really all dichotomies of a given concept? What if they are by themselves unique entities being pitted against each other claiming X is better than Y, in the same fashion an apple is claimed to be superior than an orange.

Moreover, it has been this writer's belief that the LGBTQ flag although represents diversity becomes a problematic discourse, when read in a central vs. marginal context. The attention is directed to the center and wallows as we move further from it. In a sense, this becomes similar to the struggle of the Far-Middle-Central concept of the Europeans. The navigation becomes political when associated with power and superiority. 

Baka naman sabihin niyo nagtatalino-talinuhan lang ang article na ito. Pero did you ever ask yourself if the diversification of a single class helped to amend the internal conflict of the LGBTQ community. Ibig sabihin, malalim ang unresolved issues ng mga member ng community that we fail to address because we think acceptance under the guise of pride diversification and celebration promotes unity, when in fact it only caters to the conventional types - no matter what country you are in, the conventional types will always be prioritized by the pride movement. At saka hello, look at the existing media and literary representation of a gay person - it is almost always the conventional.

Well I'm not really saying that this is inherently bad, dahil di naman kasalanan nino man na ipanganak na pogi di ba. However, the existing system reinforces the norm to look down on individuals who do not fit the cut. And this is where I want to emphasize my point.

We know there is a power struggle and we also know that we cannot subvert the system (well at least not yet). So ano ngayon ang resolution?

A few guidelines to challenge the norm:

1 | Accept Your Flaws

You are in no way perfect nor better than anybody else, uh-uh. Saksak mo sa kokote mo yan at wag ka mag-feeling na mas magaling ka sa iba. When you are tempted to show off and make other people down by brandishing say for instance ang job position mo, or salary figure, or mga educational title mo, or mga countries na napuntahan, etc. NEVER ever do this. Why? Because it only shows how insecure you are and that you try to make up for something that you lack. Trust me, nothing makes an obnoxios alpha guy happier than to see you try to beat him in his own game, which more often than not you end up losing. And if you ever win, what have you to gain? Wala di ba.

So ano ba dapat and gawin in the likely event na maka-encounter ka ng alpha male? Simple, do not engage and avoid giving approval or validation. Simple expressions like "I'm happy for you" or "Good for you" - aboslutely kills their mood. Because they know that they cannot prey on you. 

2 | Play the game

You know how when you are in a situation when a guy you like ignores you because- well you are just not his type. Never ever feel that this is a personal attack on you. Him not liking you is his problem, not you. Your become the problem if you take it to your head. It's a matter of handling rejections.

Saka sa dami ng tao sa mundo, hindi ka mauubusan. Kaya kalma. Move on ka lang at wag mo ipilit ang sarili mo sa mga taong ayaw sa yo. Remember - always choose the people who choose you. I remember tuloy the story about a man who brought an old necklace to different people to sell. All other people gave a low price on the necklace, except sa isang tao na nakita yung high value kaya nag-offer ng malaking price. In a similar fashion, only people who can see our true value are worth the effort.

3 | Validation should not come from outside

Understandably, gusto natin ma-validate na "we belong to a crowd", and you think nothing hurts more pag you are not given the validation you seek for. Well let me tell you something, this is the so wrong in all levels. First of all, dapat mas kilala mo ang sarili kesa sa ibang tao. People only know what you show them and they cannot know who you really are. So kung naghahanap ka ng validation in a venue that does not allow for deep connections then better stop it. That is destructive.

4 | It's a mind-setting

Very cliche, yes pero it's so totoo. A persons thoughts are more powerful than anything else. Your mind can dictate and influence your attitude. Pansin niyo ba how confident people carry themselves. They look so poised and all, pero if you observe them closely you will realize that they have flaws and that they are so fine by it. Confident people do not allow their insecurities to get the better of them.

Practical exercise: Choose a random person on street and strike a conversation by complimenting them. Be sure that it is a sincere compliment and not joust a lip service. You'll notice how easy it will be for a conversation to naturally flow.

5 | Find the right circle

Challenging the system requires a complete reboot of your lifestyle as well as social dynamics. When you surround yourself with people who can speak their mind and appear to be comfortable with their skin, this energy rubs on you and eventually become part of your system without you even realizing it. I know it's hard but you have to ditch the ones that do not allow you to grow as a person. Move away from people who are negative, pessimistic, immature, childish, selfish, etc. Like a budding plant, you cannot grow tall if you are surrounded by weed.

6 | Watch the right movies

There are media sources that can help you get on track of transforming yourself into a "warrior" that is equipped at challenging the existing status quo. Choose the strong personalities and associate yourself with them. Pick out the qualities that you want to emulate and keep them close to your heart. Some icons you can begin with are: Miranda Priestley from "The Devil Wears Prada", Oliver from "Call Me By Your Name", Daenerys Targaryen from "Game of Thrones", Cersei Lannister from "Game of Thrones", Renee Barett from "I Feel Pretty", Dorothy Vaughn from "Hidden Figures", Forest Gump from "Forest Gump", etc. You get the drift, right?

Life is short, live it out the most while you still can.#