JOURNAL | I'm so down

I'm so down

Well, I'm supposed to be in dreamland by now but what I have to write simply cannot wait. I'm so depressed because I didn't make it to the Korean speech contest. What happened I just understand why? I wanted to win here badly I've sacrificed so many things but still in the end was nothing but frustration. I just can't accept this failure. My feeling is a mixture of anger, disappointment, regret. There's really no way now. I've already planned everything but here I am, lost and confused. Maybe all I need is a good sleep and I'll be okay tomorrow.
I just want to say sorry to all the people who believed in me but I only downed. I'm such a failure and I can't forgive myself for being a loser.
This always happens to me. I always end up being hurt in the end but I never learn. I never learn.
Before I just wanted a simple life. But now that I've tasted a little of that good life then things started to change. Simple life is a thing of the past already. I am now in search of greener future. Now I've become a dreamer and these dreams keep on eating me everyday. There's no stopping until I achieve them all. Yes I'm destined to greatness that's why God made me this way. Resilient to disappointment, proven by my masochistic search for pain.
I am hurting again because I feel so incomplete. Why can't language be my talent? Why can't I speak well? I've turned away from French thinking I may not master it. I've come close to Korean but nothing has really changed. I'm still stupid. I'm so down.