JOURNAL | I Am the Best

I Am the Best

Eyes feel like closing, brain refusing to process, body almost giving in. It's just so difficult to work when you are so sleepy. I studied last night but I didn't get much out of a crammed information taking. I think I'm really dead this semester. The hell I care. I just need to fix my academic life. I'm not usually like this. I am the obssessive compulsive type. But the only thing that makes me OC about is my stupid hair that looks like wig every so often. Up to now, I haven't achieved what I planned when I was in Korea. No cellphone, no clothes, and most especially no house. I am smart but I can't maximize this intelligence. I can't understand why. I am becoming more lazy everyday. Yes, I am trying to change but my attempt is futile. I guess I should put more effort. I hate being mediocre. I want to be at the pinnacle again. I don't want to be looked down. I have nothing except for the respect others give to me. Without those then I am trash. Am I asking for assurance from others? I guess, this is the reason why I don't trust myself. If only I can stand on my own, but whenever I try I always fail. There's always that point that I feel there's no reason for keeping this pretending. There's only one thing that I want to happen and that is to be the best among the rest. I want to be the best again.