JOURNAL | I WANNA BE

I WANNA BE

Journal Entry No. 6 

Who I Want to Be When I was a kid, there were so many things that I wanted to be. Back then I was so naïve and don't really know much about the world. 


The world for me is nothing but the subdivision where I live in, the school where I go to, and the few places I visit around my small city. So, life is really simple for me. 

I wanted to be a fisherman. Every weekend when I was about seven or nine years old, my father would take me and my brother to the sea to swim. My father believes that sea air is very healthy and it would make our bodies strong. 

So, whenever we go there, I am always fascinated by the small fishes I sea on the shore. Then when the boats come and unload their catch I was always there to look at the different fishes, jerking for their lives. 

Sometimes I pity those fishes for I know how it must have felt to be suffocated. I have learned from my reading that fishes 'drown' when they go up the water. In humans, we drown when we are deprived of oxygen. In fishes, they drown when they breathe too much oxygen. 

I have experienced drowning too a couple of times and I can tell you that it's really not a good experience. Anyway, from these things I thought about of being a fisherman. 

I often wondered how it must feel to be there in the middle of the sea holding my fish rod and waiting for some fish to bite the hook. But now I've stopped wanting to be a fisherman. 

Life is just so complicated to depend on fishing. But I can always do recreational fishing but definitely not as a way of living. 

After fishing, I was hooked into planting. Every summer, fruits would abound and I would help myself with no one knows how much, then there would always be seeds left. 

I started planting these seeds- melon, watermelon, mango, etc. The first sprouts were so amazing and the feeling of seeing those small buds come to life simply gave me so much happiness. 

And so I kept on planting and from this I realized that I wanted to become, not a farmer but a biologist. I think I'm becoming more aware of the world this time. 

I have come to terms that I need to dream big because that's what other people want me to do. And there are just some jobs that are fit for different individuals. 

But I got fed up with planting after a while. The plants that I planted were trashed by my dog or stepped on by some people. 

It occurred to me that older people don't care about planting so why should I? I stopped believing but up to now, I am still planting. 

Back at home, I have ornamental plants and fruit bearing trees which I climb when its season comes. 

After a few years, I've learned that the world we're living in is a dog eat dog world. You cannot be too soft because the stronger ones would always take advantage. So I told myself that I want to become a lawyer and defend the rights of the innocent. 

When I tell people about this, they applaud me and say how wonderful it is. That I will be a great lawyer. But it wasn't long till I found out that lawyers' job can be dirty too. They twist facts and get justice on their side. 

To my innocent mind, lawyers are always good people because they know justice and justice should be served. But alas, it wasn't really justice after all. It was about money. Whoever has money will have justice. 

The unfortunate ones would always be unfortunate and justice would forever become blind to them. I stopped believing in lawyers and I stopped wanting to be a lawyer. I don't want to be a liar. 

After sometime, there were so many things that I wanted to be. I wanted to become an actor on TV and I can tell you how crazy my mother was about this acting idea. She really wanted me to be famous. 

Acting is a lucrative job plus the fame you get out of it. But I'm not so handsome nor have I so much talent. Sure I can do a few things but I never wanted to be in the limelight. To me, being an actor is not very challenging. You don't really use much thinking in this line of job. 

Then my father wanted me to go to the army and become a general. He was a policeman himself and I think my father wants to live his dream through me. It's just that I don't think I suit the job for I am an adventurous guy. I don't want to live in a box and be thrown in a death arena. So no. 

But there is always this job that never fails to catch my attention and that is news reporting. I have always been interested in gathering news and appearing in front of the camera. This way, I can use my brain and be famous at the same time. 

The pay is also important but I'm after the experience. Maybe after having enough experience I can find more high paying TV reporting jobs. 

In the Philippines, news personalities are very popular and people look up to them. Unlike the actors and actresses who are always taken as mere fantasies, news personalities always have the best reputation. 

Right now I am taking Communication Research. This major is about doing academic researches using scientific qualitative and quantitative methods. 

It is usually taken by people are interested in polls, marketing researches, academic researches and many more. When people ask me why I didn't take broadcasting if I wanted to work in that field, I simply answer them that I already know how to do it. 

What I lack right now is research knowledge. So, I'll just finish my major and cross the bridge when I get there.