JOURNAL | GUT FEELING

GUT FEELING

Journal No. 7 

You should always go with your gut regardless of what the facts indicate. The qualifier 'always' in this line is the only thing that I can't contend with.

JOURNAL | I WANNA BE

I WANNA BE

Journal Entry No. 6 

Who I Want to Be When I was a kid, there were so many things that I wanted to be. Back then I was so naïve and don't really know much about the world. 

JOURNAL | Daydreaming

Daydreaming

I never really noticed and never really cared if I do daydreaming but as I think about it now, I am quite surprised that I do daydream. Mostly when I am alone I find myself busy with thoughts. Sometimes the thoughts just run through my mind by themselves and this happens for a very short period of time, say 30 seconds to 1 minute. I just don't notice it because I usually feel empty and light. Like I am not existing. And it becomes a kind of escape especially when I have so many things to do which I am really worried about. I just look at one thing and voila there goes the daydreaming.

JOURNAL | SUBJECTS

SUBJECTS

This semester I have six subjects- English Conversation, Short Film Production, Chinese Language, Korean Cinema, Korean Language and Employment English. I really wanted to take some other Korean classes but up to now my facility of the language hasn't improved. I'm beginning to lose heart in mastering Korean. When I got here in Korea I told myself that my first semester would not end without me speaking fluently the language. Unfortunately I failed and because of that I am so disappointed. 

JOURNAL | Language Learning V.1

LANGUAGE LEARNING EXPERIENCE:JOURNAL ENTRY 1 (3/6)

As I started my Chinese class yesterday (3/5/08) I felt so terrified and embarrassed. Terrified because everybody was Korean and I was the only foreigner, plus the fact that the professor only speaks Korean. As I stare at the professor, all sorts of things whirled around my mind and I am positive that I will fail the class. I am also anxious about learning, or if I will ever learn in a class where the mode of teaching is incmrehensible to me.

About my classmates, I have no idea but my guess is that it would take more than charm to get along with them since they can't speak English. There are a few but it is truly cumbersome to ask every so often what the teacher is talking about. Now I'm thinking whether this is worth the effort. The joke here is that, I finally found an advanced Korean class. So I advanced I just can't follow anymore.

The class on the other hand is rather tense. The teacher looks friendly but the teaching is certainly teacher centered so not much interacton in the class. I am also sure that this class will be tedious, very tedious. Why? Because I have to go the extra mile if I want to understand the lessons. Chinese is already difficult but Korean makes it even harder. It is not my attitude though to just give up without giving a good fight. I have nothing to lose here. If I fail then nothing will be affacted. The teacher knows very well that I am not good so there's no expectaton on my part. Whether it is the teacher or the makeup of the class, I don't really care. Both scare me to death. Maybe I am more scared of being tagged as a moron and stupid. You know when the professor asks me questions and I can't answer, I feel like I am not intelligent. But that is not true.

At the start, I was sitting in that corner hoping that the nobody notices me least the teacher. Everyone seems busy. When the teacher came, everybody answers to the questions asked except me. The professor is not that terrifying. Actually he is quite genial and motivating. If I am not mistaken (I can never be sure coz this was only transalted to me) the professor explained that the class is really for beginners. Yeah right, Korean beginners. So this is so far as I can write. I am going to attend the class today and see if I can make a head or tail of it. Then I'll decide. Come what may.

JOURNAL | TOOTHACHE and EFFORT

TOOTHACHE and EFFORT

February 21, 2008
Thursday
Edward's house

6:03

Edward and his father were supposed to go to the fitness club today but because of my aching tooth and my need to see a dentist, they cancelled it. On the way to the Ä¡°ú dentist's office, thoughts run through my mind. I have expected of losing my molar, then the pain of it which could go on for a week, then the horror of ruining the alignment of my upper set of teeth. Just couldn't bear it but when the dentist treated me, he merely placed a fill in my decaying molar. All the while, I was holding on to my breath because he might touch the flesh and I know how painful it can get. It's just good that it didn't happen. I am quite okay now though the pain still remains.

JOURNAL | Bad day

Bad day

What is it about dirty rooms and insensitive roommate that makes you wanna ignore people. Add to that the feeling of absolute disgust about your day. I am so hating this. But I think I'm just upset because I'm not satisfied about the art work that I was doing. It's just that something is really missing in that so called canvass and I don't know what to do. I tried letting the others have their way but I guess I have been so clear with my vision to make the work simply artistic that I made them think twice before they can give an idea. Then the homework that must be finished. Then the student that I should meet at 7pm when I haven't prepared anything.

I am hungry, sleepy, broke and hopeless. I don't want to go back to HID today but I have no choice. I left my Chinese book but I am not in the mood to get it. I have an appointment at 12nn and I only have 10 minutes. I am so tired. Really tired.

JOURNAL | SUBJECTS

SUBJECTS

This semester I have six subjects- English Conversation, Short Film Production, Chinese Language, Korean Cinema, Korean Language and Employment English. I really wanted to take some other Korean classes but up to now my facility of the language hasn't improved. I'm beginning to lose heart in mastering Korean. When I got here in Korea I told myself that my first semester would not end without me speaking fluently the language. Unfortunately I failed and because of that I am so disappointed. Yes failure teaches success. Yes everyone fails but just because we fail doesn't make us failures. On the contrary, we should be more challenged. I should be more challenged. Well it is not totally late for me to at least achieve a little of my goal. I have three more months and all that I need to do is give my best in my Korean class and I pray God may help me become a better speaker.

JOURNAL | HOBBIES

HOBBIES

There is a saying that goes, "What we enjoy, not what we have, constitutes our abundance." True as it is, we can't have everything in life but there are simple joys that makes life worth living. Such are the hobbies that we do to amuse ourselves in order to achieve personal gratification. Well hobbies can be anything really so long as you enjoy it. If you can afford it then there is really nothing wrong with. An expensive hobby is not really that different from a cheap one it's just that we people have been so brainwashed into believing that others' hobbies are far better than us. As I have said, if you enjoy then there is no reason to envy anothers'.

MOVIE REVIEW | Holy Daddy

Holy Daddy

Watched a Korean movie tonight. The story is kindda usual but soft as I am, eventually I cried. The thing is, I cried while someone was sitting beside me. What can I do? I can't stop the tears from falling. I can't tell my eyes to refrain from crying. But the worse was that I wasn't just crying, I was sobbing. Too soft for a guy I think.
And so the question, why do us men keep our emotions to ourselves? Why do we keep people from seeing us cry? Is it because of the fear of being tagged as a sissy and weak or have men become so in love with the idea that, "boys don't cry?"

JOURNAL | I don't like her

I don't like her

I just finished attending an orientation and let me tell you something, one person was talking to another and they seemed like they were having fun. But when the other came up to me, she said she doesn't like her because that other person has the same phone. "I don't like her."

JOURNAL | Snoring

Snoring

It's funny. I had a dream last night and in my dream, someone told me that my snoring was very irritating. When I woke up, I realized that my dream must have been real. That I snored. So I talked to my roommate and he told me that he was surprised about my snoring the other night. I apologized and said that I just snore when I am very tired.

Lately I have been feeling rather stressed out of all the things that I have to accomplish for this term. Add to that the fact that I need to think of my teaching and earning money. Whenever I think of them, my head whirls around and I feel dizzy. How I wish my life was so much better. But how can I complain when my life isn't that bad. Far from bad really. Now I'm tired and I think I'll just watch a movie.

JOURNAL | Of Roommates, Friends and Sex

3 March 2008

Compromises

Living in a dormitory is both fun and taxing. You are lucky if the people with you are not selfish thinking that the only thing that matters is their own comfort. Whatever happened to sensitivity, I don't have a clue.